Rule #2: Ignore The Obvious Signs That Flatmate Is A Nerd – It Makes Two Of You
Even though you wouldn’t know a person very well, the way they live tells a whole story. Even the way in which they put their cutlery to dry tells something – if they put them the handle up, they’re a bad person, and if down, they’re good. This naturally doesn’t work if you have a dishwasher; we, as it happens, don’t. And don’t ask where I heard that – I can’t remember. This little sign tells me that Flatmate is a good person, deep down there. I just have to find the good things. The way in which she leaves everything where she happens to put them down doesn’t really make me feel confident…
Firstly, there are the empty pizza cases. There’s a pile of them in the kitchen (and I’m sure there are some more in her room, but I’ve never been there. I‘m not sure I want to). I know I like to have a pizza every now and then, but at least I take the empty cases out and not store them in the kitchen. Those have been there since December! Maybe if she gathers enough of them she could make sort of art with them. Modern pizza-art. Cover the walls with them or something. Isn’t it a sign that she is a nerd? Who self-respecting nerd doesn’t eat pizza? I’ve come to this conclusion, but this was by no means the only clue.
Then there are the dishes. Flatmate only washes the dishes maybe once every two weeks, and she makes amazingly high piles of plates and bowls in the sink. That’s a skill, isn’t it. Although, she has shown some progress when it comes to dishes now! But that’s it: true nerds don’t do the washing up if they can avoid it, they use disposable plates; exactly what Flatmate does when she runs out of plates.
The fridge. I don’t even want to put my things in there. I would if I loved mould, but I have to confess I think it’s a bit disgusting. It doesn’t seem to bother Flatmate, but then again she doesn’t have many things in there: mouldy onions and microwave meals. Yet another sign! No nerd would cook.
Flatmate constantly sits in her room. Or does whatever it is that she does. (she’s a nerd!) I haven’t seen her in two days now, but I know she’s there. She’s always there; I’m not sure she actually studies anything. I’m actually quite happy about that – but it just shows she’s antisocial and introverted. I’m not, of course. I have a real life. Really, I’m not kidding.
I like free papers. First of all, they’re free. They give me something to read when I’m having breakfast, or lunch, or just a snack. Yeah, I like to eat. Now I have an amazing supply of free papers: Flatmate has been kind enough (maybe she predicted that I would move in!) to collect them for a year or so. There’s a dusty pile of them in the kitchen – how thoughtful!
All these signs – how could she not be a nerd? I mean, come on. It’s not like I do any of those, I’m a good girl. Oh, wait… Actually, I do sit in my room all the time. And pile the dishes. (but only for a bit!) At least I cook! Well, that is if you count cooking pasta and heating readymade sauce as cooking. And I eat crisps like bread. And pizza, sometimes. Wait… I guess I’m the nerd here.
But at least Flatmate is worse.
